Porfessor Nutbutter's House Of Treats
C'mon kiddies gather round.
Who's your foremost friend in town?
From main to maple the name resounds,
Professor Nutbutter.
He's the one, the humble one,
the Barkley County prodigal son.
Here to serve only you,
Professor Nutbutter.
At old Nutbutter's house of treats
from jellied jams to sacks of sweets,
There's creamy and nutatious spreads for all.
Chemist, master of entomology
the professor for a modest fee
Will cure what ails you,
guaranteed Professor Nutbutter.
It's alright, don't fear the worm.
C'mon kiddies don't be shy
be youthful til the day you die.
The man, the myth,
the magic of Professor Nutbutter.
He's the one the only one
the Meeklyville prodigal son.
Here to help us with ourselves,
Professor Nutbutter
It's alright to fear the worm.
It's alright to fear the worm.
The worm, the worm is our friend
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Mrs.Blaileen
Mrs. Blaileen - she was his sixth grade teacher
And she controlled the children
By using humiliation
The target always seemed to be Donny
He was a bit slower than the others
When he was quite young
His mother died at the kitchen table
While choking on some food
The fashion of the day
Was bleach and tied Levi's
Donny decided to make some
But he didn't know to rinse them
So he came to school a reekin
Bleach stench filled the classroom
Mrs. Blaileen began to chastize
She made him feel like an asshole
two feet small
Oh what a lonely boy.
Don and Ronald
They always stuck together
For they were a bit different than the others
And they were as tight as brothers
Then Ronald moved away
Now Steven
He was year or two younger
And he really thought he was something
He liked to harass other children
Or anyone he found outnumbered
Alone Don walks from fishing
Steven and his friend they stop him
They took his hat and they taunt him
Pimp-slap him with a newspaper
Don lunged forward with his fish knife
Then ran all the way home weeping
He gave his knife to his father and
Said "I think I hurt Steve."
Oh what a lonely boy
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Wynona's Big Brown Beaver
Wynona's got herself a big brown beaver
and she shows it off to all her friends
One day you know that beaver tried to leave her
So she caged him up with cyclone fence
Along came Lou with the old baboon
And said "Recognize that smell?"
"Smells like seven layers,
That beaver eats Taco Bell."
Now Rex he was a Texan out of New Orleans
And he travelled with the carnival shows
He ran bumper cars, sucked cheap cigars
And he candied up his nose
He got wind of the big brown beaver
So he though he'd take himself a peek
But the beaver was quick
And grabbed him by the kiwis
Now he ain't pissed for a week
(And a half)
Now Wynona took her big brown beaver
And she stuck him up in the air
Said "I sure do love this big brown beaver
And I wish I did have a pair."
Now the beaver once slept for seven days
And it gave us all an awful fright
So I tickled his chin and I gave him a pinch
And the bastard tried to bite me
Wynona loved her big brown beaver
And she stroked him all the time
She pricked her finger one day and it
Occurred to her she might have a porcupine
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Southbound Pachyderm
Quite a surprise
What an ingenious device
Boredom encompasses my time
I don't know what I should do
Indulging a moment of your time
Seldom the breeder of lies
But you won't believe that it's true
They take to the sky
Southbound Pachyderm
Pinholes through cardboard
At the Sun
Passing the bucks by one by one
Leaving nothing in return
Watching the majesty blow past
Speculating which will be the last
Savoring my piece of pie
And there is no reprise
They're filling the sky
Southbound Pachyderm
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Year Of The Parrot
In the year of our Lord
Call it 1994
A fine vintage of mimicry
There are those that take their sound
From someone else's toil
Liking to parrots you see
I've seen the likes of Kate Bush
And Van Morrison
Teaching the parrots to sing
Take a Zepplin riff
And you alter it a bit
You make lots of money
It's called plagiarism
You want some of that cheese
Just take a big ol' bite
Careful not to choke on it please
Now here we go
It's called plagiarism
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Hellbound 17 1/2 (theme from)
Questions deserving answers
Answers deserving action
What am I of the populi
I am but a fraction
Is there heaven Is there Hell
Is that tuna melt that I smell
Come on
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Glass Sandwich
He stood in line with the rest
And waited got his chance
To take his place behind the glass
And watch the ladies dance
It's the nature of things
He stepped into the darkened space
The air was thick and warm
He drops the coins in one by one
The scene unfolds before him
He stands looking eye to thigh
As she looks down from above
Only to be recognized
As his former love
It's the nature of things
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Del Davis Tree Farm
Del Davis sold a Christmas tree
Stood up to 8 feet tall
Season was lookin' mighty thin
He'd hoped to sell 'em all
Here he comes with a dollar in his hand
Represents the epitomized man
The boy liked to rock 'n' roll
Seemed that's the way he paid his way
With the help of Del and them "Doogs"
There's a bit more joy this holiday
Here he comes...
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De Anza Jig
Oh I can still remember
Jenny Hernando
She was my little lovely one
When I was seventeen
I remember the day that she
Gave me her viriginity
Then she gave it to everyone
In our vicinity
Oh I can still remember
Julie Tolentino
The dancing Filipino
We used to run around
Her and Flouncin' Freddy
Were going hot and steady
Now she runs a dyke bar
The biggest one in town
I can still remember my
Old friend Todd Squelati
I watching him snort a
Milkshake right up his nose
He slurped it up the left side
Blew it out the right side
How he ever kept it down
I will never know
Of course I still remember
Ol' Flouncin' Freddy
We were pumping gas
Down at El Sobrante Shell
His Mustang was his pride n' joy
He liked to dance the cowboy
Hanging out at Jack In the Box
But eat at Taco Bell
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On The Tweek Again
Used to come around here
To peddle his wares
A lot more takers now
The turkey "J"
You can taste the air
Around your face
His name was Barrest Jeffries
They picked him up twice
For cooking up amphetamine
Now he's on the tweek again
Drinking county prune
He doesn't mind so much
So we'd sit around the fire
Singing "Kumbaya"
"Kumbaya" I said
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Over The Electric Grapevine
They headed southward from San Francisco
To be with Chuckles and the others
With electric in the air and peroxide in their hair
They looked like golden brothers
They drove a Datsun, an automatic
The radio blaring static
He made a face into the light and burst out laughing at the sight
The hysteria ensuing would dominate the night
From all the candy the seats were sticky
As they were drawn into the grapevine
Then "Introduce Yourself" came on as they barreled through the fog
The demon puffing madly on a mentholated log
They were tired they were sleepy
So they parked behind the Roxy
Adam left to use the phone so he sat there all alone
When Adam's voice come beaming through on the radio
He started laughing
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